These days we’ve been having a little trouble getting our sweet, precious four year old to stay in bed. And as much as I love starting my day as the next person, I’m not a morning person and I don’t prefer to do it before the sun comes up. Please and thank you.
However, my toddler has completely different plans.
You know that scene from Frozen when little Anna is bugging Elsa to get up in the morning?
“The sky’s awake, so I’m awake, so we have to play!”
Yep, those writers have kids. No. Doubt.
Due to my affliction to consciousness before dawn, I’ve run the gamut of tactics and maneuvers for staying in bed (for my little and me).
Here they are:
1. Bribe, Bribe, Bribe
The night before we have a little pep talk. If you stay in bed until after it’s light out, you can have/do [enter every imaginable, possibly reckless, kid desire here]. My consistency and parental firmness pretty much go right out the window when it comes to sleep. I’m a wuss like that.
2. Play Dead
This one is key and takes particular will power. Can you outlast your sweet little precious as he’s poking your nose, trying to lift your eyelids and eventually pulling the ultimate move – the cell phone grab and run? Ha! I password protected it, so there! Aaaaand, I’m fully awake now.
3. Nudge The Spouse/Pull The “It’s Your Turn” Card
This one’s a bit more delicate. You really need to weigh how often you pull the “it’s your turn” card. Take into consideration: Is it a weekend? Are your chances for getting that much more sleep really very likely? Are you likely to get an elbow in the nose as a pure exhaustion knee-jerk reaction?
4. Bed Side Strategery
This might be the most important tactic of all, but here’s the thing, you have no way of knowing if you’ve done it right until it’s too late. See, I sleep on the side of the bed furthest from the door. My son sees my husband as soon as he enters the room and 95 percent of the time, he goes to daddy first. I get to pull a #1 and well, you know the rest. So I guess what I’m saying is, first time parents to be? Newlyweds hoping to have kids someday and moving into your first home together? Choose wisely, choose very wisely.
5. Threaten Imminent Danger
When my son comes in my room before even sun has started to peek through the clouds my blood literally starts to boil. Often times it’s hard for me to merely threaten imminent danger for his well-being. On the flip side – do I really want to deal with a meltdown from punishment and sheer toddler terror at four in the morning?
6. Silent Treatment Bed Return
This one is serious. I’ve been told this by my doctors and by reputable parenting blogs. Get out of bed, don’t make a sound, don’t look them in the eye, don’t ask them what’s wrong. Just turn them around and put them back to bed. And (this is my bit) cross your fingers they don’t start doing the toddler shuffle that eventually leads to you break down and carry them upside down, over your shoulder, screaming, as if you’ve just drowned their favorite teddy in the bath, back to bed.
7. Fold
Some days I just give in because I know an hour and a half of Cars is going to get me an hour and a half of peaceful and restful sleep. Besides, there’s always tomorrow morning to try again.
The Mountain Heiress 